Do I Regret

I was depressed
I was uncertain
I was worried
What will happen to my parents if I'm gone.
The only thing kept me alive
My parents were good
Were not the best
But I loved them so much
I couldn't hurt them even a little.
I got so selfish
I wanted love
I wanted something i never had.
I took the risk
and got manipulated by my own self
I lost things
I gained things
but in the end
I miss my old self.

I've hurt my parents
I've hurt my partner
Even more, I've hurt my self
I was suicidal then
I am suicidal now
What has changed
Same old life spinning around

Do I regret
Still a question
Was I happy then
Yes
Am I happy now
Yes
Was I sad then
Yes
Am I sad now
Yes
What has changed