Immuned

The first drink
The first sip
A sip that led to many
many sips that led to a slip into a dream
A dream so far away
a dream of comfort
of silence
of happiness
of peace
a dream I never wanted to leave
So I didn’t

I dreamt that dream till I couldn’t
till the reality seeped through
The dream took so much to reach now
I was on my tip toes to reach the dream
Jumping up and down
But everytime again and again
It was harder to live that dream

I couldn’t feel the effect anymore
The effect of the escape
Escape of the words
the voices
the thoughts
the tears
the screams
the escape of it all.

I was immuned to the dream
like a barrier I couldn’t break down
I was stuck
Captured
Held hostage
In my own hell of it all
I couldn’t reach that dream
the dream that I now know was
Nothing…
Nothing but numbness
Nothing but fake
Nothing but a drug substance
Nothing.

That escape wasn’t real
It was only real when I had the drinks to make it
when I had the sources to make myself disappear from it all
But now that I’ve abused myself
Abused my friends
My family
My life
My heart
My soul
That’s same dream has became a nightmare.