Leah

Today is the day we
all said goodbye  
It does not get easier or harder
It does not seem like yesterday or forever ago

It is not a slow burn
Not a deep wound
It is a dull ache that surges and swells without warning  

It is not fullness or emptiness
It is deep, always fresh
It is sorrow, settled and surfacing

It is not clear or hazy
It is reaching for memories,
Desperate clinging
It is distinct and certain, unforgettable
 
It is not dark or light
It is both night and day
A chill I cannot shake  
A fever, burning in my heart

It is sunshine on my face  
It is cold in my bones
It is deep, to the soles of my feet, stepping to the floor,
another day without you

You are here and you are not
You lived but you did not
Grown up, so young
Alive and dying

It is sadness, crushing
It is joy, comforting
It is my soul, searching
It is your soul, singing

How do others describe their grief, their loss
I wonder?
They do not
There are not words
They are not enough

We cry, we laugh, we remember, we tell stories
We wish it weren’t you
Every day