Analysis of The Story of Her Eyes



Starring into heavenly waters
that spread on and outwards
Forever before
stopping at the horizon
of her eyelids.

In the center of one of two
Love-ly ponds
a pool of murky blackness,
like oil or tar drifts on
Endlessly before…
Snapping back off the tall stalks of black reeds
like a hole inside
it shrinks or grows in synchrony with
however much light
We shine on it

Surrounding the black mass and enveloped by
the reeds, gold waters swirl and stir
with splashes of blue and green and the
lifting news of a hint of
Brown.

Beside the golden waters another
Separated by a ridge
Or bridge-whichever preferred
rests in an imperfect roundness unlike
the one beside it and lacking also that soft golden tint.
instead he
bears an excited hazel
with weary streams of brown emitting from that
gaping darkness of the iris
Unlike the warm and deep tone of the golden
pool this one cold yet blazing with rage of passion and
Soul.

These beautiful ponds of contrast
and flaws, together form a single
Entity of love and splendor.

These pools of most glorious display,
like a sheet of clouds to the landscape below,
her eyelids covered them…
Forever… before
that soul-crushing
Last breath escaped her
Lips.

These golden hued and hazel waters take
with them all but their memory and bodies and
Leave this world for another better
capable of containing their magnificence.

Here now both
witness and
Product of
That hidden and
Breathtaking scene remain,
If only- in form,
to mourn and remember what
was lost to us and found by
Death.


Scheme AXBCX XXDXBXXXXX EFXGX FXXXXXHXDCIX XHF XXXBXFX XIFA XIGIXXXEX
Poetic Form Tetractys  (25%)
Metre 100110010 111010 01001 1010010 101 00101111 111 0111010 111111 10001 1011011111 10101 1111011 1011 1111 01001100101 01110101 110110100 1011011 1 0101010010 100101 1101001 101010101 010110101011101 011 1101010 11011101011 10101010 01010111010 1111110111100 1 11001110 010101010 10011010 111110001 1011110101 01101 01001 1110 11010 1 1101010101 111111000100 111101010 100101011 111 100 101 1100 10101 11001 1100101 1111011 1
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,589
Words 296
Sentences 8
Stanzas 8
Stanza Lengths 5, 10, 5, 12, 3, 7, 4, 9
Lines Amount 55
Letters per line (avg) 22
Words per line (avg) 5
Letters per stanza (avg) 153
Words per stanza (avg) 33

About this poem

I wrote this poem to describe something by describing something else. It is hard to understand, and I would be glad to explain it but I don't think the "About" section is the right place to do it. Know that everything is intentional, and most things are my attempts at subtle hints.

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Written on March 29, 2023

Submitted by credalfen_s on April 27, 2023

1:28 min read
1

Credalfen

I'm the same person as Micah but I don't know how to work this website more…

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