Analysis of MANTRA
Nicodemus 1997 (St. Louis)
Here’s what I always say:
No dad is better than a bad dad.
If you have no dad,
There are other people to fill the role.
There are others there to support you
Like a father would.
Or should.
If you have a bad dad,
The role is soiled.
Tarnished.
Burnt to a crisp by that dad’s actions.
His words,
How he spat them.
His hands,
How they gripped your throat.
He was not my dad.
He wanted to be.
I wanted to be adopted by him.
Can you imagine?
This man who threw things,
This man who got her hooked,
This man who took everything
And everyone down with him.
With no dad, though,
There’s a catch.
You are forever wanting to find him.
You are forever hunting for something to fill
Whatever shaped hole he left in you.
You are haunted
By the picture you painted
Of him in your head.
You see every man in the grocery store
Who fits the racial profile
As maybe, who knows,
Your dad.
Hoping that he’ll see you
And your mother
And say:
“Oh my God.
That’s them.”
Seek you out in a fucking Walmart
To introduce himself.
You cry whenever you ask your mother more.
You cry when you hear more.
You cry as she tells you
How beautiful it all was.
You were a love child.
You were born out of a dream.
He saw her under blue lights,
And said to her,
“You are so beautiful.”
And they talked, for hours.
Did drugs together.
Ran away together.
Made love together.
And had you.
You are a miracle.
You are miraculous, child.
But you were left behind.
He didn’t want to.
He loved you.
You’re sure he did.
He had to.
But they said it was wrong.
You know it was wrong.
But it was beautiful, wasn’t it?
The blue lights?
The hitchhiking?
How he said your mother
Must have enjoyed herself so much
That it determined your sex?
He didn’t care for your name.
It didn’t sound right.
You were meant to be something else.
You want to be something else.
Would he try and find you?
Would he die first?
Or would he die trying?
Would he never try at all?
Would he build a new life,
With new children,
In his home country?
Happy again,
Happy with someone else,
Another woman,
And another child?
No dad is better than a bad dad.
But it doesn’t feel like it.
And it never will.
You will always love him
And hope that he loves you too,
Wherever he is.
Heaven,
Hell,
Jail,
His home country.
And he
Will hopefully never forget you.
Wherever you are.
And hopefully
He hasn’t given up.
Because you haven’t.
Please, whoever you are,
Help me find him.
Because I can’t go on like this.
Heart heavy.
Eyes teary.
Cigarette pack empty.
Please,
I can’t even address you by name.
Please,
Find me.
I love you.
So much it hurts.
I hope you read this someday,
And realize it’s about you
And take the first plane to me.
I’ll be waiting.
Not very patiently,
But I’ll be waiting.
Always waiting
And wanting
To know you.
Scheme | a B bxcdd bxxx xexx bfg h xxig xx gjc kkx lxxb cma xe xx llcx n x om p xmmmc pnx ccxc qqr oimxx sxt t cxi xxhf xth n Brj gcx hxxf fcu fxb ugx fff VsVf cxacf ifi iic |
---|---|
Poetic Form | |
Metre | 11111 111101011 11111 1110101101 111011011 10101 11 111011 0111 10 110111110 11 1111 11 11111 11111 11011 1101101011 11010 11111 111101 111110 010111 1111 101 1101010111 110101011011 10111101 1110 1010110 11011 111001001001 110101 11011 11 101111 0110 01 111 11 11100101 10101 11010111101 111111 111111 1100111 10011 1011101 1101011 0110 111100 011110 11010 101010 11010 011 110100 1101001 110101 1111 111 1111 111 111111 11111 11110011 011 010 111110 11010111 1101011 111111 1111 10111101 1111101 111011 1111 111110 1110111 111011 1110 01110 1001 10111 01010 00101 111101011 111111 01101 11111 0111111 01011 10 1 1 1110 01 110010011 01011 0100 11101 0111 101011 1111 01111111 110 110 01110 1 11101111 1 11 111 1111 111111 0101011 0101111 1110 110100 11110 110 010 111 |
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 2,848 |
Words | 679 |
Sentences | 78 |
Stanzas | 42 |
Stanza Lengths | 1, 1, 5, 4, 4, 3, 1, 4, 2, 3, 3, 4, 3, 2, 2, 4, 1, 1, 2, 1, 5, 3, 4, 3, 5, 3, 1, 3, 4, 3, 1, 3, 3, 4, 3, 3, 3, 3, 4, 5, 3, 3 |
Lines Amount | 123 |
Letters per line (avg) | 17 |
Words per line (avg) | 4 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 50 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 13 |
About this poem
For my Father.
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"MANTRA" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 12 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/173991/mantra>.
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