Want Him to Stay Dead in My Head

It feels like he’s dead.
It feels like he died
But I want him to stay “dead”
Because I don’t want to
See him again
Even though I still long to
See him again.
I miss him so much
But I don’t want to
See him again.
I want things to stay
The way they are
But yet I still want things to
Go back to normal.
My mind is a jumble of
Tangled thoughts,
A mess of
Confusing thoughts.
I sit and cry
As I don’t know how
I can go on without him,
Even though I just want this to be over,
And even though I just want him
To stay dead in my head.