When I Told You (TW for self-injury and su!c!de)
You asked me what I thought I
Needed that I wasn’t getting.
I wondered briefly
If you thought I was self-harming
Just to get attention.
Your voice became more brisk
As you went on,
Saying that it was
My choice to get help
Or not try.
But I didn’t choose to
Have anxiety or depression.
I didn’t choose for my thoughts to
Take over my mind
And make me feel like
I’m not enough.
I didn’t choose for my thoughts to
Be the captain of
My mind’s ship.
You threatened to
Send me away
If I didn’t try to
Help myself instead of
Hurt myself,
But now,
I secretly want to
Go away
So I can be away
From my problems.
I want to go away
So I can be away from all my
Depression and anxiety
And mental problems.
I wonder if you’re thinking that
I’m selfish for all of this,
But is it selfish to want to
Get away from all the agony
That I struggle to
Drag myself through?
Do you see it as selfish if I try to
Kill myself or harm myself,
Only because I’m not
Strong enough
To deal with all this
Agony exploding in my head?
I knew you wouldn’t understand
What’s going on in my head;
It’s a battle I cannot win.
I knew you wouldn’t understand
The reasons for my
Physically damaging behavior.
I have my reasons
And you don't get to
Judge me for anything.
The thing is that
I have so much guilt inside
And it’s tearing me apart.
The thing is that
I can’t deal with this
Very well.
I feel so alone and lonely
In this crowded world
And I knew
You wouldn’t understand,
But I knew I’d deal
With a lot worse
If I lied about my scars.
It’s not my fault that
I’m not strong enough to
Cope with this
So don’t blame me
Because I already have
So much pain inside.
About this poem
This was when my parents didn't know how to deal with my problems properly, although most of my problems and feelings and thoughts still exist now, even after 5 flipping years.
Submitted by lonely-blue-sheep on April 04, 2022
Modified by lonely-blue-sheep on April 04, 2022
- 1:55 min read
- 3 Views
Quick analysis:
Scheme | abcbdefghaidIjklImnioimpqiooroacrsticiiipultvWvxWayzibS1 2 st3 c4 iw5 6 7 sitc8 1 |
---|---|
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 1,703 |
Words | 383 |
Stanzas | 1 |
Stanza Lengths | 73 |
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"When I Told You (TW for self-injury and su!c!de)" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 12 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/123785/when-i-told-you-(tw-for-self-injury-and-su!c!de)>.
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