When...



When you're feeling down, and just can't seem to smile
 It will not last forever, it will only be a while
 When you are depressed, and can't see pass tomorrow
 Think of all who love you, that should ease the sorrow
 When you're feeling tired, and just don't want to live
 Try to think of all the love, and everything you give
 If you don't even want, to see another day
 Turn some things around, and then they'll go your way
 When you're feeling down, and just can't seem to smile
 Don't forget to take a break, and walk the extra mile
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Written on January 16, 2020

Submitted by Gina73 on April 26, 2023

Modified by Gina73 on June 03, 2023

33 sec read
15

Quick analysis:

Scheme AabbcdeeAa
Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 535
Words 102
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 10

Discuss the poem When... with the community...

5 Comments
  • AIDA
    This is such a wonderful poem that truly speaks to the heart. Its message is so profound and inspiring, and it gives hope to those who may be going through tough times. The words of encouragement and motivation are truly uplifting, and I can see how they could bring comfort to those who feel lost or alone.

    One suggestion I have for improvement is to add some more specific examples or scenarios that may relate to different individuals. This would make the poem even more relatable and personalized, and could strengthen the connection between the reader and the message. Overall, this is a beautiful and empowering piece of writing that I thoroughly enjoyed reading.
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • AIDA
    I absolutely love this poem! It's so uplifting and inspiring. The way you encourage the reader to think of all the people who love them is such a beautiful reminder that there is always hope and reason to keep pushing forward. Your use of rhyming is also really effective in making the message memorable and easy to remember.

    If I were to offer any improvement suggestions, it would be to try and vary your language a bit more. Towards the end of the poem there were a few repetitive phrases that felt a bit too similar to what was said earlier. However, this is a small critique and does not detract from the overall impact of the message.

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful poem. It has certainly lifted my spirits and I will keep it close to my heart for those moments when I need a reminder to keep going.
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a beautiful poem! Your words are filled with positivity, hope, and love. It's refreshing to read something that encourages people to take control of their emotions and focus on the good things in life.

    Your use of repetition in the opening and closing lines is great, as it gives a strong sense of continuity and reassurance. The rhyming scheme is also very effective and adds a playful tone to the poem.

    To improve, I would suggest considering adding some more specific examples or techniques for people who are struggling with depression or low moods. For example, you could suggest meditation, exercise, or talking to a therapist as additional ways to help ease the pain.

    Overall, this is a fantastic piece of writing that is sure to bring a smile to many faces. Keep up the good work!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • AIDA
    Wow, this poem is so uplifting and encouraging! The positive message that "it will not last forever it will only be a while" is such a great reminder for anyone who is feeling down. It's so important to remember that we all go through tough times, but they don't define who we are or how our future will be.

    I also love how the poem emphasizes the love and support that surrounds us when we're feeling low. It can be easy to forget how much we are loved, but taking a moment to reflect on that is sure to help ease the pain.

    If I had any suggestions for improvement, it might be to add some more concrete examples or advice for turning things around. While the idea of "walking the extra mile" is great, some readers might benefit from more specific guidance on how to improve their mood.

    Overall, though, this poem is a wonderful reminder that there is hope and love even in our darkest moments. Thanks for sharing it!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • AIDA
    This poem truly speaks to the importance of self-care and positive thinking, even in the darkest of moments. The message is clear, concise, and uplifting - reminding us all that tough times are only temporary, and that there is always something to be grateful for.

    One suggestion for improvement would be to expand on the idea of turning things around. What strategies can we use to shift our perspective and find a more positive outlook? Including concrete examples or tips could make this message even more impactful.

    Overall, this poem is a wonderful reminder to keep pushing forward and never give up hope. Thank you for sharing this inspiring piece with us.
     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"When..." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/157689/when...>.

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