THE SUMMER OF CONFUSION

The summer was hot, and angry

Lonely in company

Shuffled from one location to the next

Always arguing, or stewing in hate—

But then, you came back.

You looked different, much.

Smile dazzling,

More tattoos,

Less outwardly shy.

And as we began to know each other again

Five years having passed,

I would imagine ways we could become more than friends.

I would imagine going out to dinner with you,

Having conversations with you,

With no one else there—

Just us.

Your soft, eclectic music in the background

The smell of black coffee, the warm lighting

Watching you get acclimated to the state again

The difference between you then and you now

Stark in a beautiful contrast.

I would imagine us together,

Without them there.

Every day, I'd come into the small apartment

And see how comforting your area looked to me,

And try my best to at be something to you,

In some way.

Show you my interests,

My poetry, give you a reading, show you I could be someone—

Not a bird in a cage.

Every step into the kitchen felt like a heart attack,

Worried I wasn't cool enough for someone

As beautiful as you are

Inside and out.

This was the summer of confusion

And of violations.

Still, all this time later,

I only imagine your voice

And only imagine your smile.

I hope you're well, wherever you are.

And if you could be well with me,

That would be

A blessing.