True Love

If this would've been, it would have been the last thing I would have left of you. Now I have nothing left! I realize now that I'll have to start over with someone new. I don't want anybody new; I just want you! I'm tired of starting over, learning someone new, and telling my life too. I would have to make a new best friend and bring someone new into my child's life. Not what I had planned and it's not what I want to do. I can't even bring myself to tell my child what's going on because I don't want it to be true. All the things I had written down for us too, it's not coming true. I'm torn, hurt, upset, angry, numb, heartbroken, and confused. It's hard for me to express myself because I hate getting in my feelings. I don't like to cry or let anyone see me that way because I've always had to be strong. A lot was so different, so new for me. It was getting scary, but I knew I was falling deeper and more in love with you. The numbness I can't shake, what can I do? I miss seeing your name on my phone when I wake up in the mornings, your voice and calls, your arms wrapped around me, the way you took care of me and the kids, your hugs and kisses, random pictures you would send me, sending me stuff from X, coming to see us and just walking through the door, encouraging me and having faith in me that I can do something even if I feel like I'm not able to but most of all I just miss you. You were my supporter when it came to me trying to do stuff and get things done. You have seen so much in me that I didn't even see in myself. You’ve seen me at my lowest and still wanted to stay. Even when you didn't know I was depressed you would always try to make me feel my best. You always knew when something was wrong even when I told you it was nothing. I know we didn’t get along, but I would do it all over again just to be back with you. If you asked me to marry you today, I would say yes to you. To have this love to cherish forever and hold on to, instead I have pain within. It’s unbearable, it’s making me sick! There’s so much more I would love to say but for now this is it. I love and miss you more and more. I will always love you, my love!