Jealousy

I feel trapped under the gaze of inferiority,
As if its devilish hands grasp my throat.
Pull me out and squash me down.
As if I’m hiding behind the shadows,
Of those I once was quaint with.
Watch as they now walk the path I laid out,
As if their shoe size was meant to impress itself upon this land.
No one knows who paved the path his two feet currently stand on,
The planter removed from the reaping, never to see the crop reach its peak.
To the crowd the seller is known,
Taking credit where credit should be due,
Instead of giving it - like I gave of myself.
What I gave up for their glory,
Now I alone remain grasping onto a memory,
A memory memorialized in blood sweat and tears.
Weighing down like bricks on a fragile mind being preyed upon.
Shredded by my own insecurity and need for validation.
Just some recognition of the effort it takes to keep my world revolving.
Take away the big accomplishments,
Take away the initial thought,
But don’t take away me,
Don’t take away the fight,
Because when I alone hold my universe up,
I become weary that I may not be strong enough to accurately remember,
And may resort to forgetfulness as a coping mechanism for lack of self-trust.
So I look with envy at those who gain what I so desire and what I so deserve,
Partially because I want their life,
And partially because I want to be recognized for what is rightfully mine.