any other day

oday is a day like many days I have; on this
day. I take you out of the that special space
that I keep you inside; so deep; so safe; so warm
so close within me.
Today I unfold you, I hold you; we talk, we
laugh; we cry and share; all that's held inside,
special days we share.
Although we may be very far apart in miles,
and times and stages of life. I hold you so
dearly, so tenderly; tucked away inside my
heart.  
I long to be with you or you with me, which-
ever the case it be...I think of the good times
we have shared. I try to make sense of the
bad things; that have happened to us.
I hear you NO NO ; they happened to
ME; but dear , sweet precious baby girl
of mine. As your Mama; they too happened
to me.
For I hurt as you hurt and cry as you cry,
I can not take the physical pains you have
had but I know my heart and mind have almost
gone insane; just knowing that Mama can't
always be there to kiss away the hurt; the pain,
the loneliness; and all you have lost from
this life.
No family around you to comfort and hug;
I cry for I too, have no one to hug. No one
that loves and understands the way I feel inside.
No one that knows all the tears I have and
still do cry for you.
I am not the best mother in the world; but I
love you no less than if I was with you twenty
four days each day.
As I carried you inside, I wanted so very much
for my child; we had ups and downs and very rough
spots; but we made it through, all that life threw us.
I now am dying a little more each day, tears I
cry are for the selflish things I will miss; all my
babies . I should be thinking of looking forward
to seeing my Mama and Grandmothers...All
I feel is the loss of my children so dear. Of all
the things we didn't say; or couldn't say to each other.
But above all in life one thing I can say to
you is I have never stopped loving you.
I may have been disappointed or mad; but I
would not trade you for anyone elses  child.
Do not greeve for me too long ;  a day or so,
just enough to have a good cry, then dry those
blue eyes and look for all the good in the world
that is here.
You think of me every once in awhile; when you
see a hummingbird or a butterfly, and all the
flowers of spring; my favorite time of the year.
Smile don't shed not one tear; say my Mama
liked that; oh yes she did. And most of all
My Mama loves me...