Why do I care

Hiding my stomach with a pillow when I sit on the coach
Changing my top cause my stomach sticks out
The shame that we feel as women today
I obsess over my looks all night and day

I don't judge myself for my wrinkles or spots
I don't hate myself when I'm bruised or my hair is in knots
But i gain just 1 pound and I spiral and cry
I tell my friends I feel fine, as I hastily lie

Why do I think I should look the same as I did when I was twenty
I'm human I change and tell myself plenty
But no matter what I say those thoughts they sneek in
Im ugly and worthless cause of my double chin

I tell my friends honestly they look great even if they gained weight
But don't give myself the same grace, self thoughts full of hate
What will make me feel better is being skinny I think
So I run to the gym and throw food in the sink

Tears run down my face after one gym session doesn't work
I'm still feeling shit are my feeling berserk
I think others say I look nice but I really don't hear it
I look at everyone else and wish I was that fit